Never have I ever…
Let’s play a quick game of Never Have I Ever… Never have I ever stumbled across another business owner whose content I binged until experiencing near-blindness in the early hours of the morning Never have I ever become so obsessed with a certain actor that I’ve watched pretty much everything they’re in and then put them on my Google Alerts Never have I ever purchased a program from a particular person simply because of who they are and not because I needed it Never have I ever listened to a song on repeat for hours on end because it made my soul and skin feel alive Never have I ever deliberately been in a certain place at a certain time just so I could accidentally run into a certain person Okayyyy, so I very rarely drink, but I’d be bottoms up of a glass of good Merlot for every single one of those. I’ve done them all. What a hussy. (Slash creep.) Chances are you’ve done a few of these, too? If so, EXCELLENT NEWS. These are your Captivators. And you can use them as your brand guides. These aren’t people you just… notice. These are people who hold your attention and adoration to the point where you fall a little bit in love with them. (The platonic kind. Usually.) You feel like you really get them (and they would really get you, if you ever met). You want to know everything about them. You want to know their secrets. You want to learn their “ways”. You either want to keep them all to yourself or tell everyone you know about them. You want to understand how they think. You want to read everything they write. And you want to buy everything they sell. Now is the time for YOU to become a Captivator, and become the person your best-fit clients, customers, and students look to in a similar way to what I’ve described above. Becoming a Captivator is some of the most important work you’ll ever do in building a brand + business that feels like home. But how do you do it? Let’s start with defining who you need to be to yourself before you can be a Captivator to others. A Captivator is someone who decides what they want and then goes after it with quiet, fervent devotion. A Captivator is someone who makes decisions from a place of intention, not hope or fear. A Captivator is someone who takes radical responsibility for their actions, choices, and behaviour. A Captivator is someone who follows their instincts, not someone else’s “proven formulas” that don’t feel aligned. A Captivator is someone who is more focused on doing something right than doing it rushed. A Captivator is someone who expresses their truest self, even when it’s uncomfortable to do so. A Captivator is someone who says what needs to be said, especially if nobody else is saying it. A Captivator is someone who knows that being themselves will draw the right people to them and repel the wrong ones. A Captivator is someone who doesn’t need to shout from the rooftops to get their message heard. A Captivator is someone who embodies the next-level version of themselves, always. Which number(s) have you got nailed already? Which do you need to work on?
It’s a good thing I’d shaved my legs
Last week, I took Coco Chanel’s advice a bit too far. I was getting ready for a wedding on a Monday(?!) in the weirdest bedroom somewhere in the jaw-droppingly-delightful Cotswolds when I realised I’d brought all sorts of things I didn’t need (classic) but forgotten half the things I did need. Like a pair of tights. To go with a short dress and the purple heels I crack out twice a year. It could have been worse. I could have had legs like a wildebeest. (Luckily, I’d shaved them at some point within the previous month.) Or, you know, I could have forgotten my dress and rocked up to the converted barn in striped pyjamas, but I didn’t fancy upstaging the bride. Once I’d accepted that bare legs were my destiny, I went to put on some jewellery. Turns out I’d forgotten all that too. Going senile at 31 was not part of my grand plan… So what was that advice from Chanel? “Before you leave the house, look in the mirror and take one thing off.” She might have been referring to whether you really need a statement necklace and earrings, but consider this in a business + brand context for a second. Often, our minds trick us into thinking that offering greater value means adding more to what we’re offering. Invisible pressure: engaged. So we offer three “signature” services instead of focusing on one. We add more deliverables instead of focusing on what’s most important. We post across five social platforms instead of focusing on two. We write for multiple audiences instead of focusing on one. We throw everything and the kitchen sink at our group program instead of focusing on the core value that’s actually going to help move the needle. That last one^^^? That was definitely a mistake I made when I first put The Captivation Code together. I remember talking through my curriculum with a mentor and I could sense she was overwhelmed by it before I’d even got halfway through. Gah! Less is more. Less is more. Less is more. So I stripped things back while keeping all the core transformational depth. Made the process simpler without removing any of the value (or the fun). Focused less on the education and more on the outcomes. Building an intentional brand is as much about removing what isn’t important as it’s about adding what is. So the next time you think you need to add another service, deliverable, platform, audience, font, graphic, brand colour, post, page, WHATEVER IT IS… Channel Chanel and ask yourself whether that’s really true. You cannot captivate with confusion. Less is more. The kitchen sink belongs in the damn kitchen, not in your brand. P.S. The Captivation Code is re-opening in the next few weeks! I’m so excited to tell you about it. You can add yourself to the waitlist here if you’d like to be the first to get all the details. Either way, I have some uber-super-duper free stuff to share with you soon. P.P.S. Believe in magic and miracles but most of all believe in yourself.
They told me not to
Get up early, they say. Don’t work from bed, they say. Post content consistently, they say. You have to launch, they say. Hustle hard now so it’s easier in the future, they say. How about do whatever tf feels good to you? I got up early only because my cat was whinging for food and I am her slave. I have been working from bed for about 3 hours because I’m productive here. I post, but not particularly consistently. I still get incredible clients hire me. (If you want to be one, you know where I live.) I’ve launched once (totally winged it) and I will again, but it’s not the only way to sell. I get work done somehow but there’s a ton of rest and play and white space in between and I’m in love with that. “They” can say what they like. Don’t let it stop you from doing you.
Instead of pursuing more, pursue THIS
“My parents and sister bought me a pen as a congratulations gift,” Olly said to me last night. He handed me the box. Heavy. Luxurious. The brand was Parisian. It’s the kind of pen you take care not to leave in the hands of a stranger. The kind of pen that has a home somewhere safe. The kind of pen you can use to stain paper for a lifetime. This morning, he explained that when his family had discussed getting him a fancy pen, his dad had other ideas. Olly proceeded to whip out a packet of 12 Bic biros in plastic wrapping. I seethed right through my pyjamas. AS IF we need more pens in this household, let alone crappy ones. (Suzi + Frixion pens 4eva.) “Don’t worry! I’m taking them to the office,” he reassured me. The seething subsided. A bit. Olly’s dad isn’t the only one with the compulsion to consume. We’re a nation of humans obsessed with pursuing more. Of the tangible and intangible kind. More money. More possessions. More time. More joy. More love. More lovers. More friends. More pens. More clients. More cookies. More freedom. More excitement. More adventure. More experiences. More confidence. That’s a lot of more. And many marketers love to exploit it. They hone in on what you don’t have, make you feel “bad” for not having it, and convince you that you need it. That when you have it, life will, in some way, improve. You don’t have to market your own services in this way to at least understand the concept. Because we’re surrounded by it! Every other thing we look at on our phones is an ad of some kind. And that seeps through our fingertips into our blood and bones and suddenly we feel like what we already do and what we already have is, in some way, not enough. It’s natural for us as business owners to pursue more. An element of it is inherent in who we are. But simply by being in business we’ve also become programmed to pursue more. It’s a dangerous path. Because when the pursuit of more is so… constant, it can take us on a direct route to burnout. This is a conversation for another day, but I’ve lost count of the number of friends who have – temporarily – sacrificed the health of their brain + body for the health of their business, and it’s not something marketers should be encouraging explicitly (yeah, I’m talking to you, Gary) OR implicitly. What about, instead of pursuing more, we pursued better? Because more does not necessarily equal better. Do you really need more clients, ? Or should you focus on finding better ones? Do you really need more time? Or should you focus on making better choices with the time you already have? Do you really need more money? Or are you trying to hit a specific number because Janet has GODDAMN YOU, JANET and you should actually focus on setting better goals and visions? Olly would much rather have one gorgeous pen than 12 rubbish ones. I would much rather have two incredible best-fit clients than 10 I don’t vibe with. You would much rather have a business that thrives off smaller amounts of smoking hot and on-brand content than reams of mediocre and time-consuming social media posts… right? If you answered yes to that last point, you need to build yo’self a captivating brand with a minimalist marketing plan.
3 mindfunk reframes for you
You’ve got the skills, you’ve got the knowledge, you’ve got the ambition, you’ve got the goals, and you’ve got the seventh cup of coffee, so why haven’t you got the line of best-fit clients queuing up at your door? The longer I’m in business, the more I understand how important the right mindset is to… everything. Including building a brand that you love living in as much as your best-fit clients love spending time inside. If you read last week’s Behind Closed Doors email, you’ll know that I’ve been “hiding” recently because of my skin. However, it’s not the way my skin looks that’s been stopping me from showing up on Instagram, it’s the mindset I have around the way my skin looks. My confidence and self-esteem is low and that will come through on social media. I don’t want that, so best stay away. People will think I’m unattractive. (Oh hey, ego, you sly fox!) People will be looking at my skin and judging it instead of listening to me speak and judging that. (Wtf.) All ridiculous, I know. And whether you, too, struggle with acne, or have skin as clear as a 24-carat diamond, I bet you recognise some of what I’m saying in whatever visibility niggles you deal with. When it comes to building the brand you really want to live in, there are three particular mindfunks that will try their mightiest to chain you down, and the faster you can increase awareness of them, the easier it will become to reframe – and unchain – them. 1. Doubting every idea you’ve ever had The scene goes something like this. BAM. Idea whacks you in brain. Wow! This is one of the best ideas I’ve ever had! THIS is what I’m supposed to be doing with my business! Finally, I’ve got it. Excitement percolates. You wonder if you’re a genius. Hmm. Is this actually a good idea though? Now that I’ve had time to think about it, I’m questioning my entire purpose on earth. Excitement turns to anxiety. You’re not a genius. You’re an idiot! Why on earth did I think that was a good idea? Every other business owner has probably had the same idea and not gone through with it because IT’S ACTUALLY A TERRIBLE IDEA. Anxiety squashes idea and pulls up a cosy chair in your brain until the next time an idea hits. Cycle repeats. I get it. This has happened to me so many times. And yet. If I always listened to the voice that told me my ideas weren’t worth bringing to life, Captivation House wouldn’t exist and I’d be stuck in an office, clock-watching like that was my job, praying the ice cream van turns up today because it is ROASTING LIKE A SWEET POTATO. Try this reframe: This idea is probably rubbish >>> This idea feels like it could be brilliant and so it’s worth exploring. 2. Comparing yourself to the entire internet Her website’s so much more professional than mine, anyone in their right mind would hire her over me. My brand photos make me look weird/fat/serious/insane/[insert any other negative thing here], but hers look slick af. She wrote about the same topic as me but her approach is 100x better. I could go on and on. Comparison could be used as a stun gun it’s so effective as getting us to not do the things we know we should do. But if you allow that to happen, you’re letting your ego make your decisions. Last time I checked, you were the boss. Try this reframe: My brand will never be/look as good as hers so I’m not going to do anything >>> She’s doing an awesome job with her brand in her own way, now I’m going to do an awesome job with mine in my own way. 3. Being scared to show up “as yourself” because you’re scared people won’t like the real you Truth: some people won’t like the real you. And that’s okay! In fact, it’s what we want. This state of mind is not a good enough reason to dress up in your finest vanilla outfit every time you communicate through your brand. Vanilla might not ruffle any feathers, but it won’t captivate any best-fit clients either. Try this reframe: People will judge and dislike me if I say/do that >>> Saying/doing this feels true to me and it’s going to draw my best-fit clients closer to me. Which one do you deal with the most? Or do all three come up? Remember, reframing = unchaining.
How to become the chosen one
I’ve kept just one dress from my days in corporate. Its one purpose? To wear to funerals. This dress pairs nicely with the one pair of heels I’ve kept from my days in corporate. (I used to stuff them into the bottom drawer of my desk at the office so I could change into them on arrival because I was almost always late and heels would only slow me down.) Unfortunately, I had to pull these out of the closet last week to say goodbye to someone who I will think of every time I hear a pigeon. Anyway, I don’t own that many pairs of shoes, but about 50% of the ones I do own are from the same brand. I’ll tell you why in a swift second. First, I want to share a quote from the marketing master, Seth Godin. “A brand is a set of expectations, memories, stories, and relationships that, taken together, account for a consumer’s decision to choose one service over another.” I haven’t yet made it all the way through a Seth Godin book (I know! What’s wrong with me?!) but I love his nuggets of wisdom almost as much as I love his yellow spectacles. The quote above is one that had me nodding my head like, ummm, a pigeon. Building a captivating brand means intentionally putting yourself in a league of your own, but being a category of one doesn’t automatically give people a reason to CHOOSE you. You still need to set an expectation. >>> Work with me and this is what you’ll get. Also, this is what you WON’T get. You still need to be memorable. If they can’t remember you, why would they buy from you? >>> This is the free brain tattoo I’m giving you. You still need to tell a story. A story that your best-fit clients can see themselves in. A story that’s worth sharing. >>> This is what I believe, and this is what I believe about you. Am I right? If so, here’s something you’ll love. You still need to build a relationship. >>> This is about more than profit. The experience you have here matters. If I ever need a new pair of shoes, I always head to Toms first. Here’s why. They’ve set my expectations >>> If I buy, I’m going to get cute, high-quality shoes that feel like clouds under my feet. They’re memorable >>> Aside from the fact their ad targeting is a little too good for a click-happy online shopper, I’ve bought from them so many times before that they automatically come to mind now. Hey, the best customer is a return customer. Also, I have specific memories attached to the brand. For example, the first gift I ever bought my other half was a pair of Toms! I’ve since bought a pair for my mum. Basically, if you know me, I might buy you a pair. You’re welcome. They tell a story I like to see myself in >>> Every time I buy a pair of shoes, Toms donates a pair to a child in need. That makes me feel good, like I’m part of a bigger movement that’s making a difference. How many shoe brands can 1) say that, and 2) make me feel that? There’s a relationship that’s built over time >>> I’ve only had one frustrating experience with the brand in, maybe, ten years (oh, how that makes me feel old) and that was when they changed their sizing without notice. I remember walking to a Coldplay concert having stuffed my feet into a pair of peacock-blue Toms and was in agony by the time I got there. Not even Chris Martin on the piano could fix me. WINK. (This is actually the kind of memory that could have caused me not to choose Toms again, but once I found my “new size” all was forgiven.) Branding is everything that makes a person decide to choose YOU. So, what expectations are you setting? What makes you memorable? What story are you telling? What relationship are you building? Note that nothing here mentions cost… Working with you might be someone else’s choice to make, but you don’t have to leave their choice up to chance. I know you won’t.
When “staying in your own lane” is bad advice
“I’m dead.” I said this to Olly multiple times on Tuesday night as I sweat not only my guts but also my eyeballs, heart valves, hopes, and dreams out onto the mat rolled out in our lounge. Of course, I’m not actually dead because I’m writing this email to you, , but OH MY GIDDY AUNT it was touch and go for a few minutes. The app I hook up to my television to do my workouts just introduced a new feature called Fiit Club which involves a group of people joining the same online class and being scored on a live leaderboard. The more effort you put in, the more points you get, and it’s all based on your heart rate monitor. (It’s a super smart app and I love how innovative their technology is. Not to mention convenient for a woman who wants abs but doesn’t want to leave the house to get them.) Usually, when I exercise using this app, I’m the only one setting the benchmark. There’s only one ‘lane’ so to speak. I think I’m pushing myself hard down it, but how would I really know when there are no other lanes to compare mine with? The entire concept of Fiit Club revolves around competition. (A word that’s got a bad rap in the entrepreneurial world.) Suddenly, I wasn’t the only one setting the benchmark. When I could see that Anna was a few points ahead of me, I burpeed like a mad woman to try to catch her up. And then FLIPPING SUSAN came along and overtook me which had me swearing at the television like a coyote mid-lunge. When you’re slogging that hard, seeing yourself go down the leaderboard puts some kind of rocket-fuel up your backside. You thought you were doing your best, but actually, you weren’t. The whole concept works because you’re constantly being driven to do better. The initial driver is external – the other people on the leaderboard, but the secondary driver is internal – your mind. If these people are getting more points, then I can, too. Body, keep going. Show me what you’re really made of. That’s why it gets my goat when the internet preaches to ‘stay in your own lane’ and ignore what people around you are doing when it comes to business. Why? Why would you ignore the external driving force? I LOVE looking around at what others are doing. Not only does it inspire me because I get a better understanding of what I enjoy consuming, it makes me wonder what I can do/create/deliver that’s BETTER. It encourages me to discover what I’m truly capable of. Staying in your own lane is smart – but how do you even know you’re in a lane worth staying in if you haven’t compared it to others? How can you contribute new insights to a conversation if you don’t know what’s already been said? How can your brand intentionally stand out if you’re not aware of what it’s trying to stand out from? The point isn’t to compete with others. It’s to get inspired to compete harder with yourself. You can’t truly do that if you put blinkers on and ignore what’s going on around you. So, sure, stay in your own lane, but only when you’re sure it’s the best lane for you to be in.
Would you wear this?
Back in secondary school (a.k.a. high school), the art department organised an evening fashion show and the year 9 students had to create their outfits for the runway in art class. Year 9 = around 14 years old. The theme was Brighton Rock. One of my friends decided to dress as an enormous helter-skelter and had a sign on her front saying “50p a ride”. One of the teachers should probably have vetoed that but I guess naivety can be considered a fashion statement? I, on the other hand, plucked out the tiniest, slinkiest piece of black material I could find, stitched myself into it, wrote something on it in gold glitter, and paired it with my mother’s black leather knee-high boots. I think my mother should have vetoed that. And then there was the highlight of the show. We’ll call her Levi because that is her name. She went as a stick of rock. Totally on-theme. Her costume was made out of bright pink cardboard which spanned the length of her whole body. A fierce look. The ‘models’ entered from the two wings of the stage, walked to the front, descended a couple of steps, and then strutted down the runway in pairs (apart from the girl in the helter-skelter costume, who had become the width of a car). Everything was going well for Levi. The pink was poppin’. That is, until she had to walk back up the steps. Because of the way her costume was made, she couldn’t properly bend her knees. So as she tried to step up, she face-planted right onto the stage. And while she did a great job mimicking a flapping salmon, the poor girl couldn’t get back up again. And to make it worse? THE PERSON WHO WAS WALKING WITH HER SIMPLY STEPPED OVER HER AND EXITED STAGE RIGHT. So Levi was stranded in front of an audience of older students and parents with cheeks as pink as her cardboard. And if you’re convinced someone must have come to help her escape from this costume calamity, you’d be oh-so mistaken. Her only option was to use her arms to slide herself off stage. (And then probably contemplate moving school.) What a way to make a lasting impression. These days, the only fashion shows I watch are on Project Runway. Come on, it’s an amazing show. DON’T JUDGE ME. Anyway, the same comment comes up every season. Your work must have a point of view. Fulfil the brief… but make sure we can see who you are as a designer in the garment. It’s just the same with your brand. It must have a point of view. Perhaps multiple points of view. Because that’s not only how we can see who YOU are within the brand, it’s how your best-fit clients can recognise themselves. It is supposed to polarize. It is supposed to ruffle feathers. It is supposed to challenge that damn status quo. It is supposed to intrigue some and repel others. It is supposed to make people think in a new way. It is supposed to expose something deeper. One of Apple’s points of view is that technology should be a blend of innovation and art. One of Patagonia’s points of view is that everything they do should be eco-friendly and ethical. One of Cards Against Humanity’s points of view is that humans have darkness within them that can be turned into fun. There’s a cool quote by Diana Vreeland: “Most people haven’t got a point of view; they need to have it given to them – and what’s more, they expect it from you.” Do you think this was about fashion or brands? In reality, it doesn’t matter, because it applies to both. So… If you have a strong point of view but you’re not sharing it: >>> Consider whether this point of view is really something you can get behind. Because if it is, why aren’t you sharing it? If your point of view is the same as a hundred other service-providers and isn’t differentiating you: >>> Consider what drives you nuts about your industry and ‘the way things are done’ and come up with your own unique way to change it. If you’re not sure what your point of view even is: >>> Consider what you want to stand for, what you want to stand against, and how you see the world. What within your answers are you scared to say? This is the starting point. Wear those points of view with pride! I’m *sure* they’ll look better on you than a stick of rock costume would.
Hate, Ikea, and a bloke named Dave
I think his name was Dave. All it took was a phone call and he was in and out of the house in less than 3 hours. I don’t think I told Olly (my other half) what I was doing, but that’s nothing new. We’d just moved from a one-bed flat to a three-bed house, which meant we needed to buy another bed or any guests would have to sleep on the floor. (Given my track record with blow up mattresses deflating in the middle of the night, sometimes in fields, I felt a bed would be more reliable.) Ikea had the perfect one. It was a day-bed, which meant for the 99.7% of the time we didn’t have guests, we could slide one half of it underneath the other and use it as a sofa. Or a dumping ground for our clothes. Same-same. As you probably know, pretty much everything from Ikea comes flat-packed. Now, I’m not averse to some furniture assembly. In fact, I have fond memories hammering together a bookcase at midnight, and when we ordered a new bed for our own bedroom I got so excited to lie on it I constructed the entire king-size frame on my own before Olly got home from work. But this day-bed came with a collection of Google warnings. There are so many small pieces! You’ll need at least 2 people! It’ll take you a whole day to put together! I had ZERO excitement for spending a Saturday putting this together and risking an argument with Olly when he inevitably read the instructions wrong and I had to correct him. So, I called Dave to do it all for us. And it was glorious. Ikea just released a new ad campaign titled “We Love The Things You Hate” and its four short animations focus on what their customers “hate” before positioning their additional services, like furniture assembly, home delivery, and a crèche, as saviours. Simple. Smart. As small online business owners, we can get so wrapped up in pains and desires, features and benefits, and adding ALL THE THINGS to our products and services that we often over-complicate our messaging. Sometimes hitting the money-spot can be as simple as considering what your best-fit clients hate most right now and positioning your service as the saviour.
Your cabinet of curiosities
I was a bit young to be waving a real war sword around the dining room, but if my grandparents were going to leave it in the giant, old fireplace, what did they expect from a kid who thought pushing boundaries was her calling? Then there was the “yard of ale” glass that took pride of place on the wall which I always wanted to drink from but never managed to. (It really was a yard long, and given how much I struggled with strawpedos in my teenage years, I don’t think I’d have hacked it.) In the lounge, the other fireplace was surrounded with strange black (and kind of creepy) side-profile pictures of our ancestors. Because… that’s normal. And upstairs, there was a life-size clay sculpture of my actual head which had unfortunately blown up in the kiln. (To this day, I don’t know why someone sculpted my head but it happened.) Basically, old people’s houses are FULL OF WEIRD STUFF. But you know what else they’re full of? Stories. If you ever run out of ideas for what to write / create / share next and then find yourself venturing outside your own life-and-business bubble and hunting like a truffle pig for: 1) Inspiration 2) Validation for your existence Then it’s time to open up your cabinet of curiosities. I read about this in Austin Kleon’s f-a-n-t-a-s-t-i-c book, Show Your Work, the other morning and had to share it with you. Especially because it’s so on-brand. *smirks* In 16th and 17th century Europe, many of the wealthy and educated had what was called a Wunderkammern, which translates to a “wonder chamber” or “cabinet of curiosities”. This served as a place to display the trinkets and treasures they’d collected from around the world. Jewels, art, books, artifacts, that kind of thing. The cabinet of curiosities was their way of saying to others: This is what intrigues and delights me, does it intrigue and delight you too? Unless you’re a pensioner, you probably don’t have an actual cabinet of curiosities in your home (although it will be peppered with items you could put in one). But it doesn’t matter, because you certainly have one in your brain. I’m talking about: The places you’ve been. The sights you’ve seen. The people you’ve met. The experiences you’ve had. The food you’ve tasted. The music you’ve heard. The quotes you’ve memorised. The influences you’ve let shape you. The decisions you’ve made. The mistakes you’ve lived through. The successes you’ve made happen. And the stories you can tell based on all of those. So sure, you can go searching for inspiration outside of your unique bubble… Or you can dig something out of your cabinet of curiosities and tell an intriguing and/or delightful story about it. When you do, you won’t just be telling a story, you’ll be sharing a tiny piece of your soul. And in an online world where it often feels like marketing is a transaction rather than an experience, a tiny piece of your soul could be exactly what people want, need, and are willing to pay money for.